so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
