who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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