Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
