I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
