im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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