just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
