Sry I called you an 8
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
