I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
