I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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