I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
