If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
