Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
