How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
