Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
