cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
im six kinds of drunk right now
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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