yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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