On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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