I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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