I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
