Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
