now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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