So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
