he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
