I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
