So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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