my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
