Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
