Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
