She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
