she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
