my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
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