If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
