Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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