it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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