I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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