One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
