I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
