She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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