Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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