Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
