Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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