just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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