I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
