I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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