I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
