i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
