I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
