I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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