Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
