if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
