fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
