Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
not ubering you a puppy
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
