i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize