how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
