bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
