we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
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I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
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doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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