i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
