I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize