if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
