I think my fart just growled at me.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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