I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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