she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
