I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
