if only i could text you this smell
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
