Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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