I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
