we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
