That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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