how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
